Life is Short. Parenting is Hard. Lift Up the Best of What Your Parents Gave You.
Recently, I was talking to a young woman who is the doting aunt of her sister’s daughter. She has organized a teddy bear picnic for her niece, been there for holiday and birthday celebrations, and loves to play games and spend time with the little one. Still, when the topic of attending an upcoming school concert came up, the little girl was sure to remind her aunt about the one time she had to leave a concert early and miss the second half of the performance…
REALLY?!?! Of all the things that have formed their relationship, this is what the little girl is focused on? Yes. Really.
The thing is, many of us adults do the same thing. We were counting on our parents for so much. Yet, inevitably, they hurt us and let us down - or even worse. The pain and sorrow and wounds that we suffered are real. They broke our heart and shaped our spirit. And yet, to be related to another is to be both hurt and healed, both wounded and made whole. It’s part of family. It goes with being human.The thing is, many of us adults do the same thing. We were counting on our parents for so much. Yet, inevitably, they hurt us and let us down - or even worse. The pain and sorrow and wounds that we suffered are real. They broke our heart and shaped our spirit. And yet, to be related to another is to be both hurt and healed, both wounded and made whole. It’s part of family. It goes with being human.
Although we can’t opt out of the hurt, we do have some choice in how we handle the aftermath. What might happen if instead of holding on to what our parents didn’t give us, we instead shifted our gaze to the best of what they did? What if we focused on our best memories and the most meaningful ways they shaped us, and gave voice to those stories - even if for one conversation or written card? What would it mean to them? How would it affect us? Even if our parent has passed on from this life, what impact might it make to give our attention and voice to the best of what they gave us?
During this season of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, I invite you to share your stories and listen attentively as others share theirs. My hope is that this brings you closer to gratitude, forgiveness, and acceptance; and closer to those you love.
Whole And Imperfect
Kintsugi is the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery by mending the break with urushi lacquer mixed with powdered gold, silver, or platinum. It treats breakage as an opportunity to repair with a result that is even more beautiful than the original - whole and imperfect.